On Beauty & the Wasteland - v.1/issue 4 - Sacrament: Communion

 

On Beauty & the Wasteland
V.1 / issue 4

Sacrament: Communion

“Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.”

- from a Christian hymn written by Anna Bartlett Warner. 

According to Wikipedia, these words first appeared as a part of a poem in an 1860 novel, Say and Seal, by Susan Warner,  Anna’s older sister. “…the words were spoken as a comforting poem to a dying child.”

In the celebration of the Eucharist, I am taught that the bread and wine BECOME the body and blood of Christ. That I can be this close to Jesus gives me a thrill.  I am newly indoctrinated into this ritual and its mysteries are unfolding to me. 

My favorite game is playing communion. I am the priest. I break the orange slices of Kraft American cheese into squares and dip them into grape juice for my toddler-aged sister. Around and around she goes. Each time she approaches me I say, “The body and blood of Christ” to which she replies, “Amen.”

I am waiting in the communion line with all the other children attending mass before catechism class. I approach the alter, my hands steepled in prayer position eagerly anticipating receiving the consecrated bread and wine offered to me by the priest. 

When it is my turn, I step towards the priest. “The body and blood of Christ.”   I respond with “amen” and stick out my soft tongue in preparation for the reception of the host. He dips the dry round waffer-body into the golden chalice full of sweet wine-blood and places the miracle upon my tongue. 

This is as close to me as Jesus ever comes. I cradle the body and blood in my mouth, making the most of this time with him. Wanting him to be with me for as long as possible. 

After mass, as I head into the catechism classroom, the teacher pulls me aside and asks me harshly if I am chewing gum. I stick out my tongue to show her the remaining sliver of the body and blood of Christ I am savoring. 

“You should be ashamed of yourself.” 

I am confused. 

I am sad and scared. 

Why should I be ashamed of myself?

I wonder if there is something incredibly wrong with me that I don’t understand. 

I am afraid of going to hell.