On Beauty & the Wasteland - v.2 / issue 2 - The Council of Monarchs

  

On Beauty & the Wasteland
V. 2 / issue 2

The Council of Monarchs

A part of me is ready to die. I am so tired. Sitting on the bench and pulling my shawl around me, I look back along the desolate desert path where I have been, though the weightier question is: where am I going?

 This solid sandstone table at the top of the hill under the light of the moon and in the shelter of a ponderosa pine makes a fine alter for my ceremony. From my bag, I take out a votive candle, matches, and a deck of cards. I strike a match, smelling the sulfur, hearing the crackle of the wick as it lights. Removing the Forhaxa Tarot from it’s protective box, I hold the cards between my two hands in prayer, close my eyes and breathe. It is quiet and still around me. Inside, my breath is ragged, my lower abdomen twitches. My hands begin to shuffle as I silently ask for help, 

One card jumps the deck as I shuffle. Turning it over, I see four wise women staring back at me, a wide starry sky above them. The Council of Monarchs. I pause, getting very quiet and listen. Then, I can hear their whispers. 

I call out into the night, “Council of Monarchs — Hear me. Green Queen, Keeper of the Pentacle — Hear me. Blue Queen, Keeper of the Cup — Hear me. Yellow Queen, Keeper of the Sword — Hear me. Red Queen — Keeper of the Flame — Hear me. I invite you four to this table.”

From the night sky, I see 4 lights emerge like stars enlarging hovering along the jagged horizon line, far away, but not so far, moving towards me, each light a different color. I can make out their butterfly shawls encircling their shoulders. The Green Queen, Keeper of the Pentacle, moves forward first. “What do you want, my child? Why have you called out to us?”

“That’s just it,” I say, feeling heat rise in my cheeks and my bottom lip tremble. “I’m not sure what I want. I have sacrificed myself for others so often and for so long now that I no longer know my own desires. This part who sacrifices for others is ready to offer herself in sacrifice to myself, to my life, so I might be free of this conscription.” 

“Let it be so.”